Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk is not a location!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
