This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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