All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
