I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
