happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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