Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
