you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
