i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
