Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
