I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
