I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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