20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
