Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
