the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
