Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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