I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
