Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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