Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
