That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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