Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
