good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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