I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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