that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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