Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
