i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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