i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
