I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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