I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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