i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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