I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
