But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
