The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
