i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
