it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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