he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
