census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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