You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
