dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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