My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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