Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
