you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
