I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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