Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
