I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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