Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
