we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
