Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
