So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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