If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
