He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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