I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
