My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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