What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
