Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
