That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
