i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
