:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
