Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
