It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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