i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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