All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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