You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
