How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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