Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
