no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
