Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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