Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
