Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
