So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
