I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
