why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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