Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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